1) Differences between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.
- Mediation
The main difference is that both co-Mediators* play a neutral role, that is, do not advocate for, or represent, either partner. As a Co-Mediator, I focus on the emotional frame and the parenting/ custody issues, and my Co-Mediator Attorney counterpart focuses on the financial/ legal issues. - Collaborative Divorce
CD involves a collaboratively trained Team of professionals*: an Attorney who advocates for each partner, a single neutral Coach and a neutral Financial Specialist. A Child Specialist can be called in if needed.
[See www.collaborativepractice.com for a more detailed description of how the Team works together.] [* All Mediators and Collaborative professionals have had highly specialized training.]
2) Similarities: Roadmap Of The Process
- The Content
You decide what is important for your family. Based on your values. Not a judge’s values or opinions. There are 5 general stages to a Mediation and Collaborative Divorce process:
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Cooperative not adversarial. Both Mediation and Collaborative Divorce use cooperative strategies, rather than adversarial techniques to progress through the Roadmap’s 5 stages . Professionals using both these methods pledge not to go to court. All professionals use basic dispute resolution techniques. Coaches specifically use a family systems approach.
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3) Bumps Expected along the Road
There are always bumps in the road: some conflicts or disagreements are larger, some smaller.
After all, if you got along well, you’d likely wish to stay together!
- NO-FAULT.
In October 2010, NYS’s first No-Fault Divorce Law went into effect. In our society, one spouse can not force his/her partner to stay in the marriage. - COST.
Readiness-to-separate and cost can be directly related. Couples who continue to struggle with one another, keep the conflicts going in whatever way, change their minds, find reasons to delay closure….will cost more in paying for their professionals’ time. And will certainly “cost” more in emotional turmoil. - The TRANSPARENCY Principle.
Mediation and Collaborative Divorce rely upon voluntary disclosure of all involved — clients and professionals — at all stages, including the discovery and negotiation processes. This is a major different from litigation. - INFORMED CONSENT and SHARED CONFIDENTIALITY
These are the other two signature principles, along with transparency, of Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. - THE END:
What happens if you and your partner can not reach settlement?
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For F.A.Q.s : Go to www.collabdivorce-ny.com . This is the website of the Hudson Valley Collaborative Divorce Association, one of the practice groups to which I belong. It has an excellent F.A.Q’s page.